I read a book one time that said something to the effect of: "Not only do women possess the power to bring life into this world, but women have the power to sustain life in a man."
I was working with a trauma surgeon a few months ago. He was a powerful guy, and his presence alone demanded the respect of those around him. It was amazing what this guy was capable of doing. Anyway, we were rounding on his patients after 5pm and stopped briefly so he could answer a call from his wife. When he answered the call, his countenance transitioned from one of power and authority to one of meekness and passivity. The conversation went as follows:
"Hi honey.... Yes, I know I said I'd be home at 5.... I know... I'm sorry... I need to see my patients... Honey... I'm sorry... But I need to take care of my patients... I know... I'm sorry... Okay... Okay... Yes... I'll see you at home." He then hung-up the phone and appeared completely defeated. At that moment, I stood there feeling sorry for the very person whom I had envied just hours before in the operating room. After hearing that phone conversation, this guy was the last person on Earth I wanted to be. He was beaten at work. And he was beaten at home. He wore it all over his face.
In this situation, the surgeon's wife had two options. The first option was how she chose to handle the situation-- get angry, nag, and make her husband feel small. Her second option was to forgive him, tell him she loved him, and thank him for working so hard to provide for the family. Thus, she would be helping to sustain life in her man. What husband wouldn't cherish and adore such a wife? But instead, the surgeon's wife landed some demeaning punches, and both she and her husband went to bed that night feeling unloved and miserable.
half moon console table
3 years ago
23 comments:
Interesting post. I agree with you in regards to how a woman should be supportive and loving, but it does appear that you assumed quite a bit from hearing one side of a conversation. Who knows what goes on in their relationship?
I like the point of your post though, it is a good reminder to how we should treat one another.
yikes, justin. you (hopefully) know that i think you're the greatest, but yikes. i think that in this rare case, assuming has done to you what assuming promises to do.
-angie
ps. other commenters, I am stalwart in my readiness for your attack.
You're emotions will shift from condescension to empathy with that guy when you're married.
Trust me. That's life.
Assuming has made an ass out of u and ming?
Doc is obviously sleeping around.
i received a similar phone call yesterday while playing an unannounced, unauthorized round of golf.
well, it's official, she said. i am the mommy and the daddy in this house.
apparently she had just returned from the hardware store, where she had purchased and then installed a new a/c filter to replace the dirty one i had been neglecting for weeks.
with polite professionalism, she assured me that she wasn't angry, but that, for dereliction of duty, i must forfeit the daddy title for one day. i could have it back tomorrow.
sometimes i wish Ashley was more of a nag. her unconditional love and support has the strange effect of making me feel guilty for having achieved very little in life.
i guess people are, actually, different in different ways.
She didn't go to bed feeling unloved. She went to bed thinking she just kicked ass that day.
Granted, she most likely slept until 10 AM, put on sweat pants and went to the gym, then spent some of the money he spent 11 straight years in college developing qualifications to earn. But who had the harder go of things that day, as the damned Tivo didn't get Oprah and the Friends rerun for her, and he most likely saved lives. But he's not being understanding of her feelings, thus, he is the true cretin here. Poor, poor man.
Yeah...I agree with Angie on this one.
i'd like to politely state that yes, justin made an assumption. however, it was not necessarily an incorrect one. it is possible that he was mistaken, but also possible that he was right. who knows?
--joe s
To anonymous "she kicked ass" :
you made a blanket assumption that all doctor's wives sleep late, eat Bon bons ad naseum, and have a standing appointment with mr. TiVo.
Let me tell you how my mom kicked ass while my dad ploughed through medical school and residency: she kicked me and my siblings' asses our of bed, made us breakfast every day, before she made her 45 minute commute to school where she was getting her PhD. (you know the other type of doctor). She spent birthdays, holidays, and family trips as a single parent while my dad was on call and away rotations.
As a wife of a physician will tell you, it can be a very lonely life. There's always one more note to write, one more patient to see, and many dinners left cold on the table, waiting for the good doctor to come home. A physician's wife will always come 2nd to the "other woman".
Thankful for BOTH doctors in her life,
I honestly don't think J meant any notion of disrespect in sharing this story. What I took it from it was the idea that as women we aren't always aware of the power our words can hold. We underestimate how much a simple encouragement or acknowledgment can make all the difference. It's just as easy sometimes to hold back on the nagging and chose your battles....
-Casey
Didn't this woman know what she was getting into when she married a doctor? None of the extra hours, late nights, etc. should come as a surprise.
Don't worry, the wife won't have to make any more of those nagging calls once the health care reform bill is passed. Doctors won't be working past 5pm anyway!
power of woman? what about the Power of Grayskull?
- He-man
Casey is right on. This blog could easily have been titled "The Power of Words".
Jan
whoever defends this woman obviously treats their man like this from time to time
still trying to get my head around EJ's comment
Don't bother.
Anonymous He-Man made my week.
Once you've found that saintly, fabled woman who spends her life thinking of ways to be supportive of her man, solely out of appreciation, then let's go searching for leprechauns.
Many people (especially wives, and how's that for a sexist statement?)don't want to leave their comfort zone (their nest), and they will do the best they can to stay there. Some of them learn, or innately sense, that it takes skillful negotiations with their mates to stay in the nest. (They've learned to manage their mates. I witness this daily.)
Others get to the point where they don't care anymore. Still others came from a childhood where they never learned skillful negotiations or overt respect for a mate or anyone else as a way to "win," dooming a marriage and other relationships to misery.
We'll never know what was going on between this surgeon and his wife. From the surgeon's standpoint, I hope he eventually does what puts a smile on his face. Being unhappy where you live is no way to spend such a short, precious life.
Choose. Carefully.
This seems to be a perfect example for the points made in many good marriage books I've read. I heard and see this very exact thing in my husband. He can get a 100 compliments from people on his sermons or leadership ,but if I fai lto acknowledge his hard work or make light of it then it's all worthless. After all, he only worked that hard to make me proud. I've wounded his spirit, his manhood when I fail to recognize him as a provider. This is something that most women don't realize- I know I fail to.
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