The following is a blog request from Joe Salvaggio:
"justin, i don't know if it's offensive to request a blog's subject matter; ...suggestion: the awkwardness that arises when not remembering having met someone...you can be the one forgetting, or the one forgotten (the implications of not being memorable, and why it is offensive...ex: not good looking enough to remember, blah blah). if this is a stupid idea, tell me. don't tell me. shoot me the bird. the choice is yours."
Thanks for the request, Joe. I've recently had an encounter with this very problem. I attended a med school party and was speaking with a gentlemen who informed me that we had met five or six times in college, but I never remembered his name. He further explained that it's his pet peeve when people don't remember his name.
I analyzed the situation and came up with three unsettling aspects to his accusation:
1) Why would he bother telling me this in the first place? Glenn once suggested that these people are just embarrassing themselves by bringing attention to the fact that they aren't memorable.
2) Why would he exaggerate the number of times we had met? I have no doubt we had met a couple times, but "5-6 times" was absurd. As the exaggeration becomes more outlandish, the validity of the complaint crumbles.
3) Why would he care that I didn't remember his name? We had never spoken more than a few words to one another. There seems to be more important things to do than worry about whether or not some stranger knows your name.
So, Joe, my advice to you is this: When it comes to remembering names, focus all your efforts on pretty girls, your children, and anyone who can take you to the top of your profession. Everyone else can deal with it.
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3 years ago
13 comments:
For me it's never the not remembering the name that's the problem. I mean, yes, I forget names...but, that's easy to get around. A "Hey, Girl! How are you?" Can take you far...and eventually someone else usually uses their name in a group setting.
I hate when you have to introduce someone that you don't remember to a friend. Or even today...someone in the grocery store stopped me and had a long conversation with me, and it took me the whole conversation to realize that she worked in my school district...still don't remember her name though.
if i'm not mistaken, your brother has the same pet peeve as the subject of your med school party encounter. i believe his solution to the problem is to use a lot of slap-stick humor.
i tend to be that girl who isn't remembered. i have gotten used to it and have even started telling people, "if you forget my name, just ask. i don't care." there are the few situations where i will interact with someone several times and they will re-introduce themself to me each and every time. after about 3 times, i will say (in as nice a way as possible), "we've actually met before." and go to to try and refresh their memory of where we met previously. this "refresher" tends to get them to remember me the next time around.
I just poke people in the chest and make wild accusations about their private lives. Keeps them away the next time.
Katherine, I think you just proved Justin's point by writing what you did. It just makes you look silly to admit to being one of those people who is easily forgotten.
Katherine did not just prove Justin's point. There comes a crossroads where it becomes less about a person being forgettable and more about someone having a sucky memory.
I usually forget people's names unless 1) I say their name repeatedly in our first conversation, 2) they bring something very interesting to the table like a shared experience or funny story, or 3) I am digging on them.
If someone calls me out by saying "We've met before" I normally respond with, "Oh, yes! Of course. You'll have to forgive me. I'm HORRIBLE with names." Normally they accept this and I start saying their name repeatedly to help me remember. If they go on to say it's their pet peeve, that just seems rude to me because they are really just saying "People like you annoy me." If this is the case, that's their problem; I don't take it to heart. They don't have to hang out with me if I'm that "annoying." I try to remember names but that's all I can do.
I am a friend of a friend and stumbled over here, and I must say, your blog is hilarious!
as a heretofore unmentioned aspect of this issue:
I have the problem of never knowing exactly when a person should remember me (how many introductions) so I tend to introduce myself from scratch every time we meet, and then get an awkward "..yea, I..I know who you are.." I still think this is the best way to play it safe, but does anyone have rule for how to handle this??
note: this applies mostly to people who shouldn't necessarily remember you, like "regionally-acclaimed" musicians and the like...
I have the worst of both worlds in that I not only can't seem to remember names but I totally forget people's faces too. I have been in countless embarrassing situations b/c of it.
I blame it on mercury poisoning as a child.
Dear mattwood,
Just fyi, I flipflopped completely on this issue during my senior year of college. I now love being forgotten and handle these situations much like joshlangston does.
Another heads up - in honor of your hilarious comment about my "slap-stick humor" I've decided to sidewalk chalk another piece of anatomical art outside of your new house. No kidding. I suggest that you give Barrett the "birds and the bees" talk asap.
Yours truly,
Jon
great advice wolf. thanks.
nothing could be a more boring subject.
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